It's all a part of your story
Writing has become an amazing outlet for me. I’ve been writing down my feelings and the events in my life since I was 8. I’ve blogged since I was 15. I’ve described my antics in detail. My friends have lived vicariously through me while I wrote about living in a ski town, living in france… and now - going off the deep end. I just write. I don’t edit. I don’t...
Hi you. Yes you. If I were you I’d refrain from reading this post until you’ve read Ambulance #1. I wrote Ambulance #1 on April 24th. I’m writing Ambulance #2 today – May 2nd. Since April 24th the mood has shifted and there have been some new discoveries and new happenings. Let’s start with when I wrote the I Love Max post. I was feeling pretty good at that point - excited to see Max off and...
It has been a long while and since this is the case I will talk about the events surrounding Ambulance #1 and the next post will be about Ambulance #2. So much has happened. I don’t know where to begin. Actually I do. I lost my shit. I hit rock bottom. I took a ride to the hospital in an ambulance. Not because of any physical reasons, only mental. I had a stressful week leading up to it. Lots of...
I Love Max
I wanted to quickly follow up my last post with something a bit more positive. The last post was spurred on my want to describe my relationship with Max in more detail and I felt I couldn’t do that without first describing some of the battles we’ve already had to work through together as a couple. I described one major facet that has caused us pain – dealing with the harshness I’ve been dealt by a...
I want to address a major issue I have. I want to talk about how other people have messed with my relationship with Max. I want to talk about how their behaviour has had a significantly negative impact on our life together and both of us as individuals. This is going to be a lot more of a rant, rather than a somewhat informative insight into living with BPD – unless people with undiagnosed BPD...
Silver Linings Playbook
Max and I watched Silver Linings Playbook a few days ago. I never saw the trailer (which is great, because trailers tell you everything), nor did I read anything about the movie. My impulse to watch it was spurred on by seeing Jennifer Lawrence’s post-Oscar-win-media-scrum. She was so endearing, like a person I would totally grab a pint with. For some reason I assumed the movie was going to...
I left the house for the first time in 4 days! Where did you go? The...
Worry not - I do have BPD. I will be contacted in the future regarding group sessions and hopefully be entered into the BPD treatment program, which is dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), within 6 months. Till then, I am adjusting my medications to help me negotiate some of my behavioural problems and mood disorders. I am currently on an SSRI, Citalopram, which is kinda the bastard child of...
I have a sensitive brain and Dexter has a lizard brain. Aw, poor you and...– Me n Max
Why are you nervous?
Tomorrow I have my first appointment with the psychiatry outpatient program. I am nervous. Max asked, “Why are you nervous?” Well, I am about to meet someone for the first time and bare my soul to them. They will dissect what I have told them and perhaps, but probably not so quickly, give me a diagnosis. I am also nervous about said diagnosis. Oddly, one part of me is scared that they...
Myth 6: People with BPD Are Crazy and Irrational This myth couldn’t be...– The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need To Know About Living With BPD
Yesterday Max brought home The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know about Living with BPD. This is amazing for several reasons. One being that it was already on my Amazon Wish List and the other being that it will be the first piece of comprehensive literature I will have read on the subject. The internet is great and all – but once you are in it you have to...
I don’t know what happened. Everything was fine. I was feeling an almost elated feeling because of the release the blog had provided me with. I felt like I was in a really good place. Then yesterday happened. I don’t know if it was because Max was super stressed (due to a lot of factors) or I just hit a wall. I broke down. It’s ridden me into the next day. I’m crying...
the tipping point
After the first initial post, I felt happy that the response from friends was supportive and felt inspired to write for hours upon hours. I could not decide what would be the next topic, but finally decided I should delve into how we, more so I, came to realize that I have BPD. So here it goes: In October, several major events occurred that made me begin questioning my sanity. I was becoming...
I have been mulling over the idea of having a blog dedicated to my mental instability and woes for quite some time. The reasons why I considered it: 1) People need to know that they’re not alone / / support 2) Educational purposes / / dispelling myths / / ignorance 3) Documenting purposes / / patterns 4) An emotional and mental outlet I sat down with my boyfriend, Max, and asked him what he...